Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
