My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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