member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I woke up under a house in Key West
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
