Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
