remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
