Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
