He asked to "fluff my boner.."
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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