Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm way too hungover for life right now
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
