We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
