Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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