batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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