i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
