It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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