If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
