Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
