it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
