I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
