My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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