made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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