can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
