yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
