not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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