took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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