Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize