Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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