it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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