why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
