Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
