The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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