Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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