he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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