Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
