he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
