gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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