That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
