Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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