super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
