I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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