Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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