Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just gargled with NyQuil
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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