i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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