Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
