I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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