I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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