are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
