I just saw a hot homeless man
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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