you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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