Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I have already put on my inside pants.
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