i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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