i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
pray to the hookup gods
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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