Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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