Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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