you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
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