And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
