That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
