and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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