I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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