Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
