Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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