i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
