Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
