I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize