ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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