Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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