Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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