His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
