they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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