So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
