need another drink. this is the easiest way
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
